I just had to write about today and the challenge I faced.
I have a certain friend, who is a man, whom I am attracted to. I'll tell you a bit about him. He is a christian, I mean he truely believes and relies upon God's grace and his relationship with him. He is strong and secure in himself. He has the wonderful gift of exhortation to the point that he will not let you say something negative about yourself. He has had a rough childhood and life so he appears to be very appreciative of little things. He is into details. He is honest, like me and sometimes quite blunt about things, but truth is hard to find! He is really quite helpful and one of those individuals whom, if you asked to do anything, would do it! A little southern gentleman, maybe somewhat redneck, big blue eyes and extremely funny(which you know is big points with me!). He has the ability to be a very intense individual; however, he lives a very simplistic lifestyle. He loves kids and my younger two children really enjoy his company. He is tremendously gifted musically and loves to worship the Lord with his guitar. An amazing child of God!
Well, we met when I moved here, some friends introduced us. He helped so much with organizing thoughts and helping put things together. He visited frequently and has expressed a desire to be a part of the children's lives, especially Nick's, as a male figure. I have felt total peace about this. Have you ever met someone who just seems to fit in? He does. He says he feels comfortable around us and we feel the same way in return. It's pretty amazing!
As you can tell by now I am attracted to this man. He now knows it. Previously he has expressed his interest in another woman whom he has be dating off and on for approximately two years. Up untill recently, I knew where he stood and that put me where I stood. Well, as of late he has been expressing interest in me and tonight he came over to hang out with the kids. After a little while, we went to the store to get some items for dinner and a conversation ensued. He said he got the feeling that I was not wanting to be around him and asked me what was going on. I assured him that it really had nothing to do with him and shared what God had laid upon my heart with dedicating a year to Him. This gentleman related that he totally understood and would respect my decision and what God and I agreed upon.
This was a HUGE deal for me and a growth opportunity! To look a man in the face, whom I am attracted to and would be interested in a relationship with, and tell him that I am focusing on God and Him only! Wow! I really, honestly felt empowered by the entire event and through it I was able to express my desire to be friends and continue to hang out since we do enjoy eachother's company so much. He agreed. I was also able to share a weakness, take responsibility for it and remain faithful to the commitment I have with God. This also led to an evening with me being more relaxed and enjoying his company as a fun brother in Christ. I am so blessed!
I am so thankful that I was able to stand. The bible talks about the devil attacking and how we should put on the armor of God, then it simply says for us to STAND. Honestly, I was so weak and starting to feel all those feelings of loneliness, but God was my strength and I was able to stand. I may not be strong enough to mount an offense but that's not what I am charged with doing. He will go before me; all I must do is stand!